bike wreck= literal pain in the ass
 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...ic-bottom.html

Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom'
A man whose bowel was damaged in a motorcycle crash has been given a bionic bottom

Ged Galvin, 55, now presses a remote control to open his bowels and go to the toilet.

The IT project manager from Barnsley, south Yorkshire, almost died when an off-duty police officer pulled out in front of him in her car.

Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.

The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.

These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.

“It’s like a chubby little mobile phone,” he said. “You switch it on and off, just like switching on the TV.

“They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn’t bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle.”

Mr Galvin, who had previously endured the indignity of carrying a colostomy bag, added: “I thought that in these days of modern medicine surely there was something they could do. They'd mended everything else - why not this? Anything was better than a colostomy bag.

“The operation changed my life and gave me back my pride and confidence. Because of the remote control I can lead a normal life again.”

The father-of-two is resigned to having the muscles in his bionic bottom replaced every five years

Prety interesting, we dont see all the cutting edge stuff where I work. I do wonder what the actual extend of his injuries were as to how he wound up that way.

Tom

If I was that dude, I wouldn't go within 500 feet of a Best Buy.

JC

Imagine if he really had to shit and his batteries died?

That's exactly what I was thinking or if he breaks/loses the remote ? Geez !! :whatwhat: :lol

Man I would hate to have to have a colostomy bag.

Jumper cables :rockwoot:

Tom

5V batter, jumpered from a 12V battery?

He would launch into orbit.

Would be cool to watch though :lol:

Tom

JC

That is cool as shit!

Seriously, that dude is a bad-ass.

all jokes aside, that's a pretty awesome use of technology!

Totally.

In all seriousness:

I have a client that lost his colon to cancer. He now lives with a colostomy bag.

His words to me were that "The asshole is the most unappreciated part of the body until you don't have one."

One thing I learned from him is that your "body" doesn't tell you when it needs to shit, your colon does. Without it, there is nothing to hold the waste back, it just comes out.

I wonder if this guy just purges himself on a regular basis or if he has any sensation of when "it's time to go"?

I guess it would depend on how much of his colon is still there and if the nerve receptors are intact in that you get the feeling you have to go.

At least he never has to rush to the toilet when ya realy gotta go :lol:

Tom